A few things I could live without...

• seeing the emergency room waiting area at Valley Care Medical Center
• the smell of the hospital hand soap
• the smell of the hospital hand sanitizer
• the sounds of IV pumps
• the beeps and alarms of the hospital machines

I have been sick this last week, and Austin had to take me into the hospital for some tests to be run.  While there I didn't expect to have the reaction I did to being back in the emergency room at Valley Care, but wow did it hit me hard.  Then hearing the beeps of the monitors, the sounds of the IV pumps, and (oh god) the smell of the hand soaps and sanitizers, it all made it worse.  I could really really do without having to see, smell or hear any of those things again, any time soon.

And, just because she's so freaking cute (at least I think so, even if I am a bit biased), a pic of Kennedy enjoying her food...

6 months!!

Kennedy is 6 months old today! I cannot believe how time flies, it is just crazy!

She is growing so much, and is learning new things every day. She started solids a couple of weeks ago and is not eating oatmeal, sweet potatoes and squash. She hates the oatmeal, tolerates the sweet potatoes and seems to like the squash so far. Next week I think we'll try pears to see if she likes em.

She "talks" up a storm now, blows raspberries like crazy, and smiles whenever someone she knows walks in the room. This little one also still LOVES tv. If the tv is on a room that she is in she'll crane herself around until she can see it. She preferes real people shows vs. cartoons still, she would just much rather watch Matt Lauer in the morning instead of Spongebob. For now, I am happy about this, but I know it won't last very long. Soon she'll be wanting the cartoons.

She has started to fight her naps like crazy. She used to fall asleep so easily for naps, but now she lets herself get so tired that she then cries and fights you while you try and put her down, once she is out though she is usualy out for a good 45 minutes, to sometimes 2 hours.

Her night sleep seems to have regressed. We went from one wake up a night, to sometimes sleeping through the night to now waking up two times a night again. Thankfully she'll eat and go right back down without a fight, so at least I know she is up because she is hungry and not just because she wants to play. We got a mobile for her crib not too long ago (she just wasn't into anything like that before) and we woke up one night at 2am with her "talking" away, well we went in and she was just chatting it up with her mobile. Needless to say, it now comes off at night, or when it is not in use.

Kennedy Blowing Raspberries when waking up from Stephanie Hon on Vimeo.

Kennedy has also just recently taken a liking to Cody.  She will stop whatever she's doing and watch him if he walks by, and if he is running through the house she'll start squealing.  It is adorable.  She also tries to reach out and grab him, so we are slowly working on them getting used to each other (meaning keeping Cody from nibbling on little fingers and from pawing at her, like he does to us.)  It is cute though!

I still cannot believe that 6 months has gone by!

Sweet Potatoes!!!!

Kennedy has entered the world of solids (well as solid as a 6 month old baby gets right now - meaning purees).

She had been doing pretty well with oatmeal, so we decided to start her on different foods.  This past weekend we decided to give sweet potatoes a try. 

At first she thought they were the worst thing ever...

It took a few tries but she started to chow down on it and seemed to enjoy it.

She ended up wearing a good bit of it.  She enjoyed some more the next day, we'll see how she does the rest of the week with them.

We cannot wait to try more, maybe carrots or squash next weekend!

Happy Mothers Day!!

Last year on Mother's Day we had just found out the week prior that we were expecting our little peanut.  This year she is here with us, and she is almost 6 months old!

Last year we went wine tasting out in Lodi but I was unable to partake in the tasting, but this year we decided to stay local and go wine tasting right here in our backyard in the Livermore wine country!  We all decided on Saturday, as it wouldn't be so busy, and it still gave us our Sunday at home.  It was great to get out and do some wine tasting with the family, and just to relax and have a good time. 

Kennedy even tried to get in on the tastings... 

But all in all it was a great day, and a wonderful first mothers day!

  

Our little peanut

(4 months adjusted!)

Resentment, anger, sadness...just a few things I've felt...

I think this post is probably a little out of the norm for this blog. (Warning it may be a little sad, but I just had to get it written).  But honestly, this blog is about our family, about raising our preemie, and I feel that sometimes others do not realize what we have gone through with Kennedy arriving 8 weeks early, and the issues that I have personally dealt with too. 

I frequent other blogs of preemie moms, they inspire me, and make me realize that some of the things that I am feeling or have felt are completely valid. 

To put it bluntly,

I resent women who are in their third trimester and bitch and complain about how uncomfortable they are and how they just want this baby out now (especially when they haven't reached 37 weeks).  They do not realize how extremely lucky they are that they have gotten to that point.  They do not realize how extremely lucky they are that their baby will (hopefully) be born healthy and ready to go home.  They just do not realize what it would be like if they were to have their baby early as they bitch and moan, which is where the anger comes in.  Now, yes, I do realize that they are in fact likely uncomfortable, but dammit people be thankful that you are able to carry that baby to term and continue to give it the time it needs to fully develop and be healthy.  I resent them, yes, it angers me, yes, but god am I jealous and that makes me sad.

I am sad because I never got to know what it was like to get so huge that I too was uncomfortable and bitching about it.  For what its worth. it angers me when people make comments such as "well at least you didn't have that extra baby weight added on", or "at least you didn't have to deal with the stretch marks" -  hell give me the weight and the stretch marks any day if I could just carry a baby to term.

I am sad because I lost out on the birth experience that I always wanted.  I did not get to immediately bond with Kennedy when she was born.  Instead of her being placed on my chest so that I could hold her, kiss her, tell her that I love her (as I had always dreamed would happen), she was whisked away by the neonatologist and nurses.  She was held up from a far so that I could see her, I could only hear her cry (the small cry that it was) from a short distance. Not only that but she was then taken from the room, my husband went with her, and I was left there in the room with my mother (thank god), doctor and nurse to get cleaned up - but no baby.  It was heartbreaking and it took everything (and I mean everything) in me to NOT break down. 

I am sad because I had to be put on the postpartum floor where other women were who had their babies in room with them.  Thankfully they were tactful enough to give me my own room, oh how I would've been pissed if I would have had to share a room.

I am sad that for the first 22 days of my daughters life she had to be in the hospital, that i could only be with her for 8 hours a day or so, and that I had to leave her every single night (that was the worst pain imaginable). 

I am sad because I do not know if we'll be able to have another baby without that baby being a preemie too.  I do not know whether my preeclampsia will come back, whether it will be worse or better. 

I would give anything to have been able to carry Kennedy to term, but she is here now.  She is healthy, and that I am HAPPY about.  She is growing so well, getting bigger every day and developing like crazy.  I love this little girl with all of my heart, and I would do anything, absolutely anything for her.  But I still can't help but feel sad and some anger about how she came into this world.

And just because I can't do a post without adding a picture - here is a recent one of Kennedy.

Thank you for reading my rant/vent of a post. 

How far she's come...

Yesterday as I was packing up some of Kennedy's clothing that she no longer fits into I saw the preemie clothes which she wore - well it seems like not too long ago - but 5 months ago now!

Well I pulled out the clothes to see what the differences are in what she was in, and where she will be now - she is just finally moving up into the 3-6 month sleepers.

Can you believe the difference?

The crazy thing is the one on the far left, the preemie size, Kennedy used to be swimming in that thing! 

You can't tell here, but the fact that she is actually fitting in it is crazy to think about now...

This then got me looking at pictures I have of her in her carseat throughout the past 5 months and how much she's grown since then.  (I'll only post a few of these, but you can see how much she's grown)

Here she is during her carseat test in the NICU...

February 2010

April 2010

She still has so much more growing to do too, but I can't help but look at these pics and see how far our little 3 lb 5oz, 15.75 inch, 32 week preemie has come!